20. Going Among Mad People

Mateo took the questionnaire paper from the guy they said was the army shrink. He looked a little like a Vulcan, mostly because his eyebrows went straight up at the outside corners. It was another boring room, with a table and two chairs, no windows, and a golf pencil, like he might shiv somebody with a regular one.

"So just ... go ahead and fill this out?" He was willing, for now, to go along with this, get it over as fast as possible.

"Yes."

He started looking it over, stalling and reaching for the pencil. Well, ok, less weird than it could be. And he'd filled out enough summer job applications for Target and places like in high school that he could game the heck out of these little suckers. He was pretty sure he was a little crazier now than he'd been before he got stuck in a freaking time travel accident and locked up in the freaking dark in the middle of a freaking war, so he opted to answer everything like he'd been before, and game anything left over. But a perfect score would be pretty dumb too, so he'd get a few "wrong." He went for his old life true answers for "Do you usually feel well and strong?", "Do you usually sleep well?" and "Are you frightened in the middle of the night?" (ha ha, yeah right, Monocle Man didn’t care about what time it was) but couldn't stop himself from giving Spooky Vulcan the ol' eyebrow of his own on "Do you have too many sexual dreams?" He contented himself with muttering "Perv" under his breath before going to the next question. Half of them seemed to be about headaches or needing new glasses rather than being off mentally, but whatever. He answered no to all of those. He started to give Spooky Vulcan another eyebrow about the "queer, unpleasant feelings" before remembering it just meant weird back then. Back now. Whatever. Anyway that made it less personal of a question.

He had to stop when he got to "Did you have a happy childhood?" for a moment before he could get a grip and keep moving. He'd never get back. There wasn't a "back" to get to.

A few more pervy questions raised his hackles, but he told them the answers they wanted to hear. The sooner he got them thinking he was sane and NOT A SPY, the sooner they'd let him out, or at least lock him up somewhere better. And he'd be able to help them. Not that he liked any of these guys, except the sneaker guys and the nerd who'd jumped to his defense, but they sure beat the alternative. And he, weirdly, thought of the not-Murder Amish. The grumpy old dude and the kid with the horse and even the shotgun guys and the two cops, just trying to keep their heads above water in some crazy war. They didn't deserve to get steamrolled. That one little town right on the edge of destruction seemed as big as the world, like a little piece of the Minnesota Driftless in this time that was like being on an alien planet.

"Are you afraid of responsibility?" asked the next line. This responsibility, stupid questionnaire? Yeah! Yeah I am! Who wouldn't be? I’m trying to remember like one semester in high school and one History Channel documentary I fell asleep in the middle of! What if I make things WORSE?

He checked the box by "No.”

Yeah, he felt “low-spirted” a lot these days, sheesh -- checked "no" again -- gave the one about hay fever a skeptical look, and huffed over the "epileptic family member" one but opted to answer it honestly just so he wouldn't have too many "right" answers.

"Here you go, sir." Perv Vulcan.

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